FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
