the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
