Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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