we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
