so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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