Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
