he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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