You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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