Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't special order awesome
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
