I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
