There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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