dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
