I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
