All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
