omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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