we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
