we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
