i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
