you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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