i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
