I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
