its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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