It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
