I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
