Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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