Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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