i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is the high leading the old right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
