I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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