we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
