HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
