just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
