This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
