I'm really into asian looking animals
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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