R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
