NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
