Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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