you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We need to get me chipped asap
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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