somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
