Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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