Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
