Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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