I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
