I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
