Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
