bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
