I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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