Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
