I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
