And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
