you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
