I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
