I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How external is "for external use only"?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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