I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
