The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
