I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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