I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
