Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
