I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
