i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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