Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
