i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
