if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
