need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
