she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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