it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
