Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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