I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
